Teaching dream: justice
I can’t stand injustice. If I had to sum up who I am in one sentence, that would be it. It’s so intrinsic to who I am that it’s pretty much synonymous with me.
That’s all good and well, but as we all know, life is not fair. For someone who can’t stand injustice, that’s very hard to live with, and I struggle with it every time it comes up. I’ve been having an especially hard time recently, when an acquaintance stole from me, and got away with it because she denied it.
When I say “I can’t stand injustice” I mean that literally, and I’m using the word ‘literally’ correctly. Now tell me how to stop this incident from emotionally tearing me apart. I can’t change who I am.
I asked some friends for advice, and they said “We know she’s lying, but there’s nothing you can do; just let it go.” Read the previous paragraph again. I can’t “just let it go.” And what is that even saying? That my feelings don’t matter? So people can do whatever they want to me, and I just have to take it? No.*
The other option is to seek personal justice, but that almost invariably leads to vengence, which is…not good. And not just. It’s hard to see the line between justice and vengence, though, when you’re that hurt and angry.
I started wondering, if I did try something, would it be justice or vengence? I didn’t know the answer to that question.
Fortunately, my subconscious presented me with a dream where I could play out the scenario. In the dream I started stealing back small amounts of the thing she stole from me. At first I wasn’t sure how much I would take. Then at some point I was told “That’s enough.”**
When I heard that, I had this feeling of relief and closure, like, “I got back what I lost, we’re even, we’re done.” and I was happy. It was justice.
I could have taken more, as a fine for having been wronged, but I think that would have been vengence. I just want what’s mine; that’s enough.
I don’t want to sound like I’m patting my back here, because that’s not my motivation in writing this post. I don’t think I’m any better than the average person, and honestly I’m a little embarrassed by this whole incident. But I am very happy with how I reacted in the dream. It was really bothering me for a while now, and I’m relived that I have not crossed the line. I know the events in a dream are not real, but the emotions are real, so that toally counts.
*After two decades of people walking all over me, I had a dream where I was taught to not let people take advantage of me any more. That was…a year ago? So yeah, I’m done with that.
**I have no idea who told me that. I do know how much was taken, so it could have come from my own head. It felt more like the words came from an external source, but they sort of just arrived in my head, so I don’t know. Doesn’t really make a difference.
I’m planning to replay the dream irl. I need justice and closure in this world too, and now I know that I won’t go too far.